1. |
Gay Hands
14:24
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2. |
Intro
00:30
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3. |
Does that Turn You On
02:54
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Girl tonight we livin upper lower class/I just got my tax return so I got some extra cash/oh is guacamole extra fuck it through it in the bag/I aint saving shit for college man you sound like my dad/You said you needed a ride/I said then hop on inside/but that door dont work window dont roll down/so mama you can go around/before you sit on that seat let me brush it off/theres a little bit of weed nacho cheese hamburger wrappers soda cans and Del Taco Hot sauce/OK/HBO jump cut now we fuckin/shirts on no bottoms Donald Duckin/doin our thing you look like different actresses/no boxspring humpin on 2 two mattresses/your friends are hatin sayin Im undateable/cause we fuckin on a mattress thats inflatable/I hope youre ready for it Imma make that pussy cum/or do the abc’s until my mouth goes numb/Does that turn you on/we can do it on my lawn/invite my friend named Shaun/baby does that turn you on/and bring my friend named Juan/baby does that turn you on/me & Shaun Juan on my lawn/baby are you on/student loan debt but it dont matter the amount/when we get home ma we bangin to my mamas Netflix account/hittin up the ATM takin less than a Jackson out/fuck dinner girl we hikin cheap dates is what Im about/not gone stop hit it from the right til theres nothin left/sss ahh sss ahh/Im out of breath/sss ahh sss ahh/lets take 2 heres a vibrator so you can do you/girl we not makin love girl we makin art/music on just in case I fart/lights on Im afraid of the dark/restart the population like Noahs Arc/gettin creepy in my van is nothing less than incredible/my balls are lightly sweetened cause my underwear is edible/name written on it but of course its not legible/I heard you gettin busy could you fit me in your schedule/boom the pussy is bomb like Pakistan/straight killin these niggas George Zimmerman/you speak my language when you makin that pussy talk you grind on my halfpipe like you look up to tony hawk/we can play spin the bottle 7 minutes in heaven/my penis wants that inside job like 9-11/Im cuttin back on bacon to prevent my next heart attack/Shaggy caught me fuckin Velma Daphne feedin me Scooby snacks/at the beach eatin burritos dick hangin out the speedo/does that turn you on/get butt naked get soft in a second/does that turn you on/gettin freaky in the sauna having threesomes with Iguanas/does that turn you on/ooo God doesn’t like that now sacrifice this cat/Does that turn you on?
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4. |
TOEZ
02:13
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Lil mama take them shoes off/Now take them socks off/So I can get my rocks off/TOEZ tasting hella spicy like its hot sauce/Buy 1 TOEZ get 9 free 9 like Im Ross/Your TOEZ look like 2 prime steaks/Put some maple syrup on it and I'll eat it like its pancakes/This little piggy went all the way home/And she thought she was alone/Until I showed up to bone/Give all the feet to me/Expensive pussy is so last week/Having sex with so many feet/That athlete's foot is my S.T.D./WOO/Sorry but you niggas on speaker phone/Cuz my hands are busy making a toe sandwich like its provolone/E-Fizzle take the size 13 feet/No he dont need THE receipt/Im the pedicure pedophile/pedaling towards a pedestrian wearing Birkenstocks/Tell me when to TOE/Tell me when to TOE/TOEZ TOEZ TOEZ TOEZ TOEZ TOEZ TOEZ TOEZ TOEZ TOEZ TOEZ TOEZ TOEZ TOEZ TOEZ
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5. |
This Coffee Shop
03:06
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This coffee shop is too cool for me/I'm the only one in line without a Joy Division tee/what/This coffee shop way too cool for you/Your the only in line without an ironic tattoo/who/At the coffee shop drinkin tea with no honey/employee says it's not fair to the bee cause they don't get paid money/barista is so hip he's wearing two fedoras/With an ironic t shirt that is dora the explorer/He walks away to go play Morrissey on vinyl/But he has to flip the record so your drink will take a while/Hot damn this coffee shop is cool as Alaska/eatin bagels with hitchhikers that haven't bathed since Nebraska/Chalkboard menu is full of zingers/all the drinks are named after 90's RnB singers/Ok I guess I'll have a Toni Braxton/But not to much cream I don't need a Michael Jackson/In walks a guy with a pet service animal/Its a reptile it is not a mammal stool disintegrates the tables not stable/sorry sir the furniture is bio degradable(Chorus)Finally get my drank turn and spill just my luck/Out loud I say fuck it I'm going to Starbucks (Roy the Barista) This coffee shop is cooler than you are/I rode my bike to work even though I have a car/Androgynous haircut am I girl or a boy/I'll give you a hint I have tits but my name is Roy/This bitch is on her cycle not a rag that I'm on/In my crotch there's a sponge a reusable tampon/Flippin through my records playing bands you've never heard/In this shop you don't fit in you're not dressed like a nerd/My dog has 3 legs that's one times triple/You easily offended cause I'm about to free the nipple /You going to Starbucks bro what are you saying/I'd rather be a hippie than support a corporation/Don't need labels hate specification/Are you keeping up this is gentrification/High water pants mustache like Ned Flanders/There's no surprise I'm voting for Bernie Sanders/Bleached blonde hair lookin like a Targaryen/Got dread locks even though I am an Arian/Pants so tight cutting in like cesarean/Heard you got beef well I'm a vegetarian
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6. |
Bacon & Cookies
02:12
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Bacon & Cookies/Bacon & Cookies/you lookin confused bruh I aint fuckin wit rookies/I use Doritos/as nachos/got Fritos/in kilos/snort Cheetos/up my nose/arteries are gone be closed/roast beef lookin so good I wanna spank it/Im lickin its pussy now we pigs in a blanket/my movie theater popcorn needs more salt put the peanut butter jelly in the blender thats a malt/you trynna get Italian food mañana/tanya would you please bring me lasagna/eatin In & Out in the back of my Honda/gaining all the weight got the thighs like thunda/Peter Piper picked a pack of peppers/2/wolfing waffles wine’s watermelon/woo/buttered battered cheddar make it better/flatbread feta feelin felon/salsa Im feenin I want some more tacos/I’ll go breaking bad for some Pollos Hermanos/got macho frijoles thats with avocado/a dollar tamales i chew and i swallow/Rice Crispie treat strapped into the backseat/pretty neat/sucking dicks for sandwiches white or wheat/provolone and pepper jack my favorite cheeses/I spread it right across now its covered in Jesus/donuts in the break room you can only have one/well tell Steve from accounting that he dont get none/I scarf two then I polish off the whole dozen/and I start feelin guilty like Im fuckin my cousin/lickin buffalo wings dont need Chrissy Teagan carnivorous crew we aint fuckin wit vegans/can I have some more/I beg your permission I eat food for fun it is not for nutrition/theres a party goin on/and its in the kitchen you like it or not i am fuckin this chicken/buffet line get out of my way/Im addicted to food cause I eat every day/gimmie extra bacon if its pork or fried/you dont even gotta give me fork or knives/order to-go I eat it in the parking lot/this burger has been murdered you can call the cops
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7. |
WTBA
03:37
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Where the bitches at/where the bitches at/where the bitches at/where the bitches at/where the bitches at/where the bitches at/where the bitches at/where the bitches at/can somebody tell me where the ladies at/lets start a search party from the from to the back/can somebody tell me where the ladies went/I think the lsat time I checked they were talkin to Brent/Brent can you tell us where the ladies at/lets start a search party from the front to the back/can somebody tell me where the ladies went/I think the last time I checked they were talkin to Brent/laundry day the clothes are piling up/the dishes arent done I feel like giving up/I get on my phone and I check Instagram/there are no ladies dick pics in my hand/grocery store checking the feminine care isle/no chicks just Caitlin Jenner with a smile/said I hate living in a world with no beaver/I catch Vagina Monologues at the nearest theater/no girls just boys and gay thespians/I hate living in a world where theres no lesbians/I call my friend and he doesnt believe/me so I tell him to turn on the TV/new episode of Sister Sister/now starring zack and Cody so Its Mister Mister/radio trynna hear the Dixie Chicks/all male the cover band the Dicksy Dicks/no moms to regulate we’ve become lazy/running out of everything running out of babies/strip club trynna see some tits and tails/only dudes were dancing it was Chips and Dales Baywatch no twats/just David Hasselhoff/now how am I going to enjoy my jerk off/Forever 21 is going out of business/and the line at Starbucks isnt tremendous/frat party no wenches in togas/Im at planet fitness no bitches at yoga/Im at disneyland dont see no mamas with the strollers/there are no ladies but I need a fridge for my diploma/I need to see a therapist/I want to fist a feminist/but we’re missing misses/could it be they’ve been dismissed/I searched the seven seas women's history classes I found a treasure map now Im diggin for asses(Chorus)you make run away/I make bitches come and play/Im flippin the coins Ive been wishin for bitches/Im mixin the potion Im summoning witches/got Harry Potter hoes bitches with Quidditch/got me bitches mayo bitches sandwiches/where the bitches a-ee-yat.
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Daunte Cordova San Diego, California
San Diego native Daunte Cordova started comedy at the age of 18 and has quickly become a town favorite. Daunte has witty slow paced comedy style but with a bit of urban flair. He also runs a monthly show named "WHALECAT" which features San Diego's best alternative comics. ... more
